I wrote a letter to give to my friend I was referring to in this post. I brought up a number that I felt was the percent of men that would change, or could change. That number was 1%. I had some people disagree, they said that I was being biased. I had someone try to say “is that a fact”? Well of course it isn’t a fact. To say it is a fact would be a huge overestimation of who you are as a person and your abilities. There is absolutely no way something like this can be proven as fact. If someone can prove an actual number as a fact, plain and simple, please do let me know. Thinking something like this is letting your ego control you, plain and simple. You know there is no way you can prove it to be a fact, but you have to prove yourself better somehow. Major ego issue that needs to be fixed there my friend.
Why can’t it be proven as a fact? Because you can’t factually prove the intention of every human being on Earth into a number. That would be saying you could see the future, that you can see everything that is ever going to happen. That is completely foolish, and you look like a complete fool by saying it – but wait… You think you sound smart. Educate yourself into being a better person. Being the better person is far from trying to make yourself sound like the better person by a false sense of your own abilities and intelligence.
The letter I am referring to is a letter I wrote to to my friend I was going to pick up. It was a gift to her, something she needed, and something I felt would be a great lesson for her. After starting to write on my blog today, I realized that this wasn’t meant as a gift just to her, it was meant for everyone to read, so I will post it here.
I’m going to type what is written in the letters because I can only see about half of what is written. When I took the pictures on my phone they looked great, but on my laptop I am unable to zoom in on them and can’t see half of what they say.
I wanted to come get you because I care about you and I love you. I can’t sit around and let someone suffer if I know there are things I can do to help. If someone can sit around and do nothing while you ask for help, then maybe they are worse off than you are?
Now, on to the tougher part of the things I want to let you know. I already told you why I came up here, so this time I would really like to see you stay. Can you make me a promise? That promise is that you will never go back to him, or any guy like him. Do you think you can do that?
*You saying yes comes with these terms*
You will not believe an abusive jerk because they beg, cry, and go on and on about how much they love you. They go on and on that they have changed, or that they will.
The chances of an abusive man in general changing is maybe about 1%.
An abusive man using only the “I love you, miss you, I have changed, or will change” asshole line has a big fat 0% chance of being sincere.
So, if you can accept the promise, you can agree to see these statements on the next page you have. With the promise you gave me, you agree that if you can not check off ALL of these boxes, then you will not go back to this guy. Pretty please?
If he is trying to make you come back, and you are considering it, then refer to this list. If you can truthfully check every single box, then you will have my approval for this asshole. I’ll even give the prick a hug, maybe even a shot of my vodka, maybe…
- He has apologized for every wrong doing he has done to you in actions and words. He takes the initiative to bring up all of these on his own, not you telling him what he should be sorry for.
- He did not use the “baby I’m sorry, I love you so much and I promise I’ll change” line. This is the line of liars. 0% change, they will go back to their old ways, guaranteed! How do I know he won’t change with that line? A man sincere would never use that line, they would respect your need for healing time and time alone.
- Did he admit FULLY to his history of physical, emotional, sexual, and psychological abuse? Did he see all of the signs of these, and understand how they hurt you so badly? Did he say why he did them, and why he won’t do them again?
- Is he no longer playing the victim? Is he accepting what is his fault? Has he told you that he wrongly blamed you for everything wrong, and why?
Remember the most important part of all of these checkboxes:
He must take the initiative on his own for them all