Month: September 2016

Can an abusive man change? If you believe so, what is the percentage of them you believe can change?

I wrote a letter to give to my friend I was referring to in this post. I brought up a number that I felt was the percent of men that would change, or could change. That number was 1%. I had some people disagree, they said that I was being biased. I had someone try to say “is that a fact”? Well of course it isn’t a fact. To say it is a fact would be a huge overestimation of who you are as a person and your abilities. There is absolutely no way something like this can be proven as fact. If someone can prove  an actual number as a fact, plain and simple, please do let me know. Thinking something like this is letting your ego control you, plain and simple. You know there is no way you can prove it to be a fact, but you have to prove yourself better somehow. Major ego issue that needs to be fixed there my friend.

Why can’t it be proven as a fact? Because you can’t factually prove the intention of every human being on Earth into a number. That would be saying you could see the future, that you can see everything that is ever going to happen. That is completely foolish, and you look like a complete fool by saying it – but wait… You think you sound smart. Educate yourself into being a better person. Being the better person is far from trying to make yourself sound like the better person by a false sense of your own abilities and intelligence.

The letter I am referring to is a letter I wrote to to my friend I was going to pick up. It was a gift to her, something she needed, and something I felt would be a great lesson for her. After starting to write on my blog today, I realized that this wasn’t meant as a gift just to her, it was meant for everyone to read, so I will post it here.

 

I’m going to type what is written in the letters because I can only see about half of what is written. When I took the pictures on my phone they looked great, but on my laptop I am unable to zoom in on them and can’t see half of what they say.

I wanted to come get you because I care about you and I love you. I can’t sit around and let someone suffer if I know there are things I can do to help. If someone can sit around and do nothing while you ask for help, then maybe they are worse off than you are?

Now, on to the tougher part of the things I want to let you know. I already told you why I came up here, so this time I would really like to see you stay. Can you make me a promise? That promise is that you will never go back to him, or any guy like him. Do you think you can do that?

*You saying yes comes with these terms*

You will not believe an abusive jerk because they beg, cry, and go on and on about how much they love you. They go on and on that they have changed, or that they will.

The chances of an abusive man in general changing is maybe about 1%.

An abusive man using only the “I love you, miss you, I have changed, or will change” asshole line has a big fat 0% chance of being sincere.

So, if you can accept the promise, you can agree to see these statements on the next page you have. With the promise you gave me, you agree that if you can not check off ALL of these boxes, then you will not go back to this guy. Pretty please?

If he is trying to make you come back, and you are considering it, then refer to this list. If you can truthfully check every single box, then you will have my approval for this asshole. I’ll even give the prick a hug, maybe even a shot of my vodka, maybe…

  1. He has apologized for every wrong doing he has done to you in actions and words. He takes the initiative to bring up all of these on his own, not you telling him what he should be sorry for.
  2. He did not use the “baby I’m sorry, I love you so much and I promise I’ll change” line. This is the line of liars. 0% change, they will go back to their old ways, guaranteed! How do I know he won’t change with that line? A man sincere would never use that line, they would respect your need for healing time and time alone.
  3. Did he admit FULLY to his history of physical, emotional, sexual, and psychological abuse? Did he see all of the signs of these, and understand how they hurt you so badly? Did he say why he did them, and why he won’t do them again?
  4. Is he no longer playing the victim? Is he accepting what is his fault? Has he told you that he wrongly blamed you for everything wrong, and why?

 

Remember the most important part of all of these checkboxes:

He must take the initiative on his own for them all

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I received a message to add to my last post

Like I have explained before when I use the Bible to help make my posts clear, or clearer. They come to me as a feeling to look it up, or a time on the clock, etc.. This time I actually heard it clearly say to me “19, 2”, so I looked up book 19 which is Psalms, and chapter 2. I also hardly ever read the bible, so these aren’t from memory . I can’t quote a single thing from the Bible on my own, except for maybe John 3:16, everyone must have that one memorized.

Psalms 2

Why do the heathen rage, and the people imagine a vain thing?

The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the LORD, and against his anointed, saying,

Let us break their bands asunder, and cast away their cords from us.

He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision.

Then shall he speak unto them in his wrath, and vex them in his sore displeasure.

Yet have I set my king upon my holy hill of Zion.

I will declare the decree: the LORD hath said unto me, Thou art my Son; this day have I begotten thee.

Ask of me, and I shall give thee the heathen for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth for thy possession.

Thou shalt break them with a rod of iron; thou shalt dash them in pieces like a potter’s vessel.

Be wise now therefore, O ye kings: be instructed, ye judges of the earth.

Serve the LORD with fear, and rejoice with trembling.

Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and ye perish from the way, when his wrath is kindled but a little. Blessed are all they that put their trust in him.

God is such a drama____(fill in the blank with your view of God)

I made a new word out of my fill in the blank. Draminity. Drama and infinity. My view of infinity (everything, on going).

After my post yesterday, there was not much time wasted in learning my next lesson. As usual, it happens in the most dramatic way possible to get the most simple of things across. This is what we as humans require I guess, it makes us feel even more insignificant.

I’m going to try to be as short as possible in the story leading up to my lesson, but I want to add enough so the ending makes sense. I have a friend who moved 5 hours away with a man who has abused her. Everyone tried to tell her not to go, and she went anyways. She got in contact with me a few days ago to ask me if I could help. I don’t have a car, and she knows this but she wanted to see if there was anything I could do. I told her I had already tried asking everyone we are mutual friends with, and everyone I could possibly ask in general. Everyone, every single person I asked had the exact same response. I’m sure most can probably guess what that response is, because a big majority of you will say the same exact thing. That response is “she is stupid for moving 5 hours away with him, if we go get her, then she is just going to run right back, so I’m not going to help her”. I won’t lie, I have said the same thing myself in the past, but this time I felt it was wrong to say that. Every time someone said it, it made me more upset. I wished there was more I could do.

I wished there was more I could do. I was true with myself and my intentions on what I really wanted to do. I got a message from my friend on Facebook yesterday that she had found someone who would let me use their vehicle to go pick her up. The first thing I said was “great, this is wonderful news, I’ll come get you”.  It also worked out perfect that I am off work today and tomorrow. The issues started happening when I asked a mutual friend of ours if he would take me to go pick up the vehicle I was allowed to use. He said yes, no problem, that he would come get me. Well, that didn’t happen because of some personal issues in his life to where he couldn’t make it. I didn’t know this had happened until later on today. I told my friend I was supposed to pick up that I couldn’t make it to pick up the vehicle, that I’d try to find another way. She decided to call the person whose vehicle I would be using to ask if he would possibly be able to come pick me up because we had ran out of options. He was happy to do it. What is great about this person is he is a Vietnam vet who who isn’t supposed to go out driving around too much or being too active because he has  medical issues. I live about 15 miles from where he lives. He came to pick me up so I could take him back home and for me to get on the road to pick up my friend. I realized I had forgotten to grab something to drink from home, so I asked him to stop at the gas station on the way so I could get a drink. We were still introducing ourselves, and I asked about his Vietnam Veteran hat. He told me a little bit about it, then he looked at me and said “I really wish we wouldn’t have had to do that, there was no point in all of that”. Him saying that got to me, I liked him saying that, so I replied and said “I agree, and the same thing applies now”. He agreed with that statement as well. We got back on the road, and about 1 mile in, the truck just shut off while we were going 60 miles an hour. It turns out that the truck was overheating. We didn’t see any warning of it overheating, but apparently it was. This could be a thermostat issue, but to shut off going 60 miles an hour? An overheating vehicle usually doesn’t shut off going 60 miles an hour down the road, it would much more likely shut off while it is idling. I asked my new friend if this had been an issue, he said no, he also said his truck had only overheated 2 times since he owned it. I asked when the last time he put water in his truck, he said 4 days ago. It was a 2001 or 2002 model Toyota truck and he seemed like the type of person that took care of his truck, I didn’t notice anything wrong with the way his truck drove while being in it. I thought this was all very odd. I’ve actually never been in a vehicle that had shut off going 60 miles an hour down the road, and I’ve never had a vehicle do that. It really isn’t very common for a vehicle to shut off while going down the road, and especially at higher speeds.

After this, I decided to try to call and get us a ride back somewhere. I called the friend who was closest to where we were. This friend has a car with a lot of issues and he doesn’t like to drive it much at all, it is mostly used for him to drive it to work, but is used and can be used in other short trips as well. It is understandable that he doesn’t want to drive it often, and I do not ask him to drive me places unless I absolutely have to. I decided to call given our situation and because the man with me started saying he was feeling weak from the heat, that he really needed to get out of the heat and sit down. I told him to sit down, but it didn’t do much that it was still hot. The friend I called said no, I’m not taking my car out of town (we were about 2 miles away from town) . I explained to him the situation that I needed someone to get there as soon as absolutely possible, his response was “f*ck you, I said I’m NOT driving my car out of town”.  I got off the phone with him after that and got a hold of another friend who was 15 minutes away, he said he would hurry to get me. The man I was with got the truck started before my friend got there and he decided he just wanted to try to get it home to not leave it sitting on the side of a rural South Dakota road. I thanked my new friend for his generosity and wished him well.

So, lets get back to my friend who was not so hospitable, and what that has to do with my post from yesterday. It doesn’t seem that it has much resemblance, but it has plenty, it explains the whole point perfectly. Is there nothing, or is there something? It doesn’t matter. If you believe there is nothing, and it is only you, which I have been seriously confused about, then don’t take that as meaning you are all there is. I didn’t mention that me and that friend have been having some issues with getting along recently, but that didn’t stop me from calling to ask given the situation with the elderly (veteran) gentleman I was with. I was focused on making sure he was ok, I explained this on the phone to my friend when I asked him to get us. He didn’t have an issue with the man I was with, he probably barely listened when I said it. He had an issue with me, so he took it out on me to not come pick us up. Most people with any human decency would in this circumstance as long as they were able, correct? So it isn’t that everything is nothing, and it isn’t that you are all there is. It isn’t all loneliness. It isn’t that you should look at others as not being there, not having feelings, that they don’t all reflect on your life somehow, and you on theirs, because you do. We are all connected in this world in some way or another. How would you feel if you were the friend who was rude and the older gentleman I was with got sick to the point of needing medical care? It didn’t happen, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be aware of the possibility, and for you to do something about it if you can. To say it bluntly, it is your fault if you know you can help someone in a situation, and you don’t purely out of selfish reasons. Keyword selfish. If that person gets hurt or killed because of it, the guilt is partly on you whether you like it or not.

Be prepared for the harsh truth. The matrix.

But it doesn’t have to be harsh. It can be harsh, or it can be what you create it, and it can be beautiful.

I feel like it has been too long since I have posted again, but I post when I can connect with the information I receive enough to finally write about it. Sometimes it is multiple times a day, sometimes it happens once a month. It all depends.

One day, you are going to come to a realization, is there something, or is there nothing? Everyone thinks they already do that, but I am not talking about those concepts. I am not talking about what people believe as in what religions teach, and what atheists call themselves. I am talking about something much deeper, something much bigger. Or wait, is it really something much smaller? Much smaller than you ever thought it was, and much more simple than you ever imagined? How often do you get stumped by an answer you were trying to figure out, only to find it out and go “of DUH that was IT?” Well, for me personally, it has been that kind of experience. I also see the other side of that experience as well, and wonder if I am only seeing a small piece of it, I’m the new kid in class. Then I tell myself the harsh truth. What is the harsh truth? What it looks like.

This is the matrix. More writing about it to be continued.